At times, change isn’t always welcome. Sometimes it can be exactly what we want. I’m here to talk about the version of change that is hard to accept. The type that we didn’t want. In the past decade I had so many unexpected changes in my life, changes that I have never imagined would happen. I had changes that I didn’t want and some that I did.
Sometimes the change that we didn’t want, can affect us for a long time. It can get us mentally stuck in the zone of denial, sadness, and feeling a sense of loss—or it could have simply been really overwhelming, and you were burnt out from it.
The change could very well be altering the quality of your life and restricting you from things that you once relished being able to do. Don’t worry, this article is not here to deny the reality of a new circumstance.
Whatever the reason that caused the change in your life, I have some practical tips that I used to help me handle and accept my new circumstances. I learned to walk through my situations and grow as a person, despite the unwanted changes that might have taken place. Here they are:
1) Don’t Blame Yourself
Firstly, it’s important to not blame yourself in an unhealthy way. Not all changes that are hard or negative, are our fault. Sometimes life happens. One of the best things is not be so critical of ourselves. It’s good to analyze yourself and improve yourself. But it’s not good to blame yourself to the point that you can’t get over the sadness. This is unhealthy. Try to be kinder to yourself.
2) Be Grateful that Things Aren’t Worse
No matter how bad or different your situation is, it could always be worse. This is not to deny that something could be hard, but it is to put into perspective that your circumstance isn’t the worst one that exists. So it’s important to practice gratitude for where you are. Gratitude fights sadness and instills hope in a person. Gratitude is one of human’s greatest weapons to conquer this thing called life.
3) Appreciate the Past
It’s important to appreciate the past. Looking into the past to play the self-pity comparison game of “how much better it was or how much less complicated it was,” is futile. It’s more constructive to look at the past, and appreciate it for what it was. Appreciate what you did have or learned, and trust that it will be useful to you in the future.
4) Take Time for Self-Care
With this, focus on being the best you, whether it’s working on your career goals, or making a best friend, taking care of your health, or sharing your thoughts with a mentor. All of these things are included in self-care. Self-care is making sure that you give your fragile self, what you need to be nurtured and to grow. If you have a sudden chronic illness, self-care would mean doing everything you can to control the symptoms and find a path for healing. It could mean having a mentor or counselor where you can share your thoughts, fears and dreams, in a safe place. Self-care means continue working on yourself, whatever that is for you.
5) Keep Moving Forward
Moving forward involves being hopeful for the future. One of the best ways to show that you are hopeful for the future, is through action. If you want to minimize the consequences of the changes that have taken place, make sure you are doing some self-care. Doing something new, like joining a group that aligns with your interests, is a good way to see life beyond your own perspective. Volunteering and helping someone else is a perfect way to move forward. In time, involvement in things that have purpose to you and helps other lives, will help you move forward and go through the tough times in your life.
I read recently a quote online from a friend that said, “If you choose not to find joy in the snow, you will have less joy in your life but still the same amount of snow.” This is an amazingly profound truth. In a sense, some of the curveballs in our life are unexpected and there’s nothing we can do to stop them from coming. But what we can do is accept that the “snow” did come, and learn how to work with the “snow” and find joy in our new circumstances. Eventually, with that attitude your circumstances will improve with time.
Hope that was helpful!